Bud Light Lime: Evidence that God Hates Us

My colleagues have invested considerable time and energy into sharing the gems of the craft beer world. I trust you've found their work both enjoyable and highly educational. Sadly, I do not hold similar beer street creds, nor can I express myself in the beer connoisseur vernacular. For example, some of the common words I use to describe my favorite beers include: "really good," "f'n good," "dude, it's rad" and "more."

My intent here is not necessarily to educate, but to occasionally warn the public that all is not magical and delicious in the world of alcoholic beverages. The truth is that some beers significantly decrease your quality of life. As such, let's take a moment to highlight one of these unpleasant beverages, before it ruins your relationships with co-workers, friends and family. And if you have no idea what I'm talking about, well you sir, you have never tried Bud Light Lime.

Let's break it down:

Commercial promise: "Bud Light Lime: The Summer State of Mind"

Glassware: Bottle, can, red cup, vase, novelty plastic coconut, etc. It's 95 degrees out and you're half in the bag already, so anything goes.

Color: Like Bud Light's slightly gay cousin. It appears to glow, but hey it's 2010, you can expand your horizons a bit.

Aroma: Like a lime candle.

Taste: Panic, sheer terror ensues. Quick, you've either just drank a melted, lime candle or have been subjected to a very unfunny practical joke. Chase immediately with Mike's Hard Lemonade or kerosene... whichever is closer.

Grade: 45/100 (F-) . Points awarded solely for its ability to enable practical jokes.

Musical Pairings: Is there a specific audio frequency that induces nausea? Well, until scientists can help you out there, Nickelback or Chipmunks remixes on YouTube will have to do.

Surroundings: May invade the cooler of your upcoming BBQ. The guy in the visor brought it. Also, it's the only possible beer on tap in Dante's Inferno.